Saying Goodbye to a Friend

I'm writing this now because I don't think I'll be able to do it later.  To be completely honest, I don't think I'll be able to do much of anything over the next few days. I've never been much of a dog person, don't get me wrong I like dogs, but I've always owned cats. Many years ago we had a puppy for a brief 6 months and it broke my heart we had to give him away to give him a better life. 3 1/2 years ago a little old english bulldog waddled his way into our hearts around Christmas. I never even liked bulldogs, but everyone loves puppies. I was instantly smitten, even though my cat wasn't.  Over these few years he has grown into the world's largest lap dog. Weighing in at 92 pounds and thinking he can sit on your lap. He has beautiful blue eyes and the floppiest ears and the biggest heart you've ever known. He has just about the goofiest personality and he borders on manic for about 5 minutes before he becomes the world's laziest dog. I could go on and on. And maybe soon I'll post a few funny stories of the things he's done over the years. Today is going to be one of the hardest days of my life. Today I have to say goodbye to a friend, a part of of my family. On Monday night my dog was involved in a hit and run. The person driving was going fast enough to injure my dog's spinal cord, yet not break any bones. Its been 48 hours of treatment and he is still paralyzed from the hips down. We had hopes that he would recover despite it only being a 5% chance. When his condition was not improving we looked into the possibility of rehabilitation with another family, one who would be able to give him the round the clock care he would need. Unfortunately his condition has deteriorated past that point. So this morning my mother informed me that tonight we'll have to say goodbye. My mind is spilling over with what ifs and what abouts. I don't want to give up on him, but apparently there's nothing we can do. I'm writing this now because I know for days I won't be able to talk about it. I've spent the last 48 hours crying and holding his paw, stroking his ears and his big head and telling him to fight. We needed a miracle that just hasn't come. I've never had to say goodbye like this. I feel so guilty that I am helpless and I feel like I am disappointing him. I know in years to come I'll somehow make sense of this, but today it feels senseless. We're going to bury him in the backyard where he would want to be and I'll spend time with him. I know he'll never truly leave us, his paw prints on our hearts are just so big. I know that many people will have very fond memories of him, he was just so wonderfully outgoing and friendly. Tonight I'll tell him I love him one last time and his big blue eyes will say he loves me too. I'll miss you Dexter, but you'll always be at our side.